Star Trek Beyond

(otherwise known as the lovechild of SW:TFA* + GOTG**)

 

HELLO FRIENDS I AM ALIVE. My excuse for not updating for a month is uni; I’m sure y’all understand 😛

 

First things first***, a disclaimer: I have not seen any other Star Trek films, and of Star Wars I have only seen The Force Awakens. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. (And yes, this is another film review.)

 

Star Trek Beyond: thank you for introducing me to yet another attractive Chris. I’m not quite a ‘pine nut’ yet but who knows? Time will tell.

 

The film started off strong, with the good-looking Captain Kirk fending off an amusing attack from the tiny Teenaxi. This devolves to a rather slow sequence, ostensibly to set up Kirk’s past + make the audience smile. Character development, check. Touching ‘airport’ scene (à la Love Actually), check.

 

Confusing double timeline, CHECK. What is up with the 2 Spocks? Seriously. Being a newbie to the Trekkie ‘verse, I assumed Spock’s grief was for a relative – only to find out he was mourning himself. His older self. Who lived a completely different life. Whaaaaaaaat.

 

Enter Jaylah. Badass female scavenger who lives alone, with family missing and presumed dead. Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so too. Sorry girl, you’re great and all but Rey did it first.

 

Cue bromance between Spock and Bones. Gnaww, aren’t they just adorable. Meanwhile, Kirk proves there’s a brain under that pretty face, managing to trick Kalara into revealing herself as a traitor. Not such a pretty death for her, but frankly despite her sob story (that may or may not be true – the film didn’t confirm, I think?), she gets everything she deserves.

 

Zoe Saldana, an attacking fleet of drone-ships, loud music, the villain crashing onto the planet but still alive, higher-up lady in charge of overseeing operations – the Guardians of the Galaxy replication ends, obviously, happily, and with the protagonists prepared to venture once more into space. (It is, after all, the final frontier.)

 

Scoring on the Liz scale of movie awesomeness:

+50 Chris Pine (whewww *fans self*)

+50 Spock

-100 2 Spocks (that is NOT how time travel works)

+50 Bones McCoy

+50 hiding the Abronath in Syl’s head – but Syl omg 😥

-50 defeating the enemy with music, seriously?

+25 cute little Teenaxi monsters! (people, sorry)

Total: 75/100

 

Verdict? Not so ‘Enterprising’ 😛 but enjoyable nevertheless!

 

Love,

Liz ❤

 

*Star Wars: The Force Awakens

** Guardians of the Galaxy

***I’m the realest (realest). Seriously, some phrases are so hard to read without launching into the songs.

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