Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

(answer: Newt in his suitcase)

Okay, clumsy pun. Not 100% sure it makes sense either. But on to more pressing things: the actual review of the movie which I saw some 2 months ago.

Eddie Redmayne – ah, Eddie, what can I say? He has had a monumental rise in stardom (as actors often do, once they burst onto the scene) thanks to his abilities, which he utilises to full extent here. I confess I would not have thought a magizoologist quite like, say, Hagrid, but I did picture someone a good deal more hearty and rough around the edges. Kudos, then, to Mr Redmayne, for selling his character as a limping quaint young man with a “hesitating, whispering fashion of speech”* – and selling it well!

At any rate, his quiet reserve gets him as far as America, where things start to go south, real quick. As much as I am loathe to speak ill of anything Harry Potter, I am forced to (quietly) (with head lowered) admit the truth in Ms Katharine Trendacosta’s** scathing words – Newt is an idiot.

“Mr. Scamander, do you know anything about the wizarding community in America?”*** Evidently not.

How could Newt have gotten anywhere in life with such amazing carelessness?

Evidence 1: the suitcase. Why is he carrying around a world’s worth of magical creatures in a FAULTY suitcase? Is it the only suitcase of its kind? Then why does Newt have it? Why does nobody else seem to own suitcases that contain several different lands/worlds/terrains within? If there are more suitcases like these, why do wizards even need actual, physical houses? The questions abound, endless.

Evidence 2: breaking the Statute of Secrecy. What, do they not have it in Britain or something? I love Jacob, he’s 100% awesome and I’m glad the movie had him, but why is Newt above the law and all reproach? (Except from wifey-to-be, of course.)

Plot holes are a pet peeve (wow, that was beautifully alliterative), I’m afraid, and this film, enjoyable though it was, contains a number of them. Obscurials never live past the age of 10? Credence gives no… credence 😉 to that fact. Newt managing apparently the world’s only case of separating an Obscurus from host? Odd, given he was not noted as some sort of prodigy capable of world-changing feats. Newt inventing some sort of venom to induce amnesia? Plausible, given his work with magical creatures, yet very much experimental – while I understand their pressing need to maintain secrecy, how were the magical authorities to know that everyone would not be instead, say – poisoned?

Okay, maybe Newt’s not an idiot. He clearly has some amazing skills and brains, just no common sense (not unlike another character I have been disappointed by of late humhummm Sherlock – but that’s another post for another time.) At any rate, the movie’s not ALL about Newt.

Ezra Miller makes a wonderful Credence, and I could say the same of Colin Farrell for Percival Graves. In fact, I was rather freaked out by their (bordering-pedophilic on Graves’ part) interactions *shudder*, which is credit to their acting. Samantha Morton, too, induces shivers as Mary Lou Barebone – there is something about her which just brings to mind Kane’s mother in Citizen Kane. To counter some of the darkness however we are gifted with the endlessly amusing Jacob, played by one Dan Fogler. And of course, a HEA.

Scoring on the Liz scale of movie awesomeness:

-500 plot holes

+300 the magical creatures gnawww

+30 special mention of ADORABLE bowtruckle/mini-Groot****

+100 our villains are worthy of HISHE’s Villain Pub

+50 Jacob

+100 just because HP

Total: 80/100

Verdict: “Aww, I wanna be a wizard.”***



Lizzy ❤


* been reading too much Sherlock lately (quote is from A Case of Identity)

**she wrote a review titled “Newt Scamander Is The Biggest Idiot In All Of Harry Potter History”

*** quotes from FBAWTFT

****Guardians of the Galaxy, a movie which you should watch if you haven’t already


P.S. Has anyone ever noticed how much Scamander sounds like salamander and that a newt is a type of salamander? O.O #randomthoughts


2 thoughts on “Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

  1. Do I smell a suggestion that Newt Scamander is actually a disguise adopted by Hagrid to maintain his inheritance by preventing his stepdaughter Porpentina from seeing other men? Ah, the wonders of Polyjuice Potion!


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